Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
