fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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