after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
