he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, beer. Big fan.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
