I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
vagina is talking i cant
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
