Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
