I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
