I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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