Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
