i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
