For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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