I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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