the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
