By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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