Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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