My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
