I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
