Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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