Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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