I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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