I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
