who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
