never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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