That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well you can't waste a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
