I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
