I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
