there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
