i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
