She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
