Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
someone owes me an orgasm
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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