my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
