After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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