Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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