So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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