I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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