So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
