my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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