best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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