you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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