im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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