Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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