Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a hot homeless man
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
