We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
