Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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