He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
