I have demons in me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
