grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
