I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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