Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
