i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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