he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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